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Bugattis

Bugattis, Disability, and Youth Ministry

Happiness from Things

“A million dollars will not make you happy.”

“Zach, a million dollars will buy me a Bugatti, and that will make me happy,” the youth quipped.

“A Bugatti will not make you happy.”

“Have you ever driven a Bugatti?”

Bugattis

I had not. There goes my credibility. Not an auspicious beginning to my start as part time youth pastor. I was struggling to persuade the youth of even the most basic and hackneyed lessons: Jesus > Money. Thanks for nothing undergraduate degree in philosophy and religion. Thanks for nothing M.Div. from a prestigious seminary. I felt despondent. I looked up where I could test drive a Bugatti.

Happiness from Relationships

Thank God for Chris. Chris is a young man with Down’s syndrome that I knew well from my other job with Young Life Capernaum, the wing of Young Life’s ministry dedicated to reaching adolescents with disabilities.

Chris started coming to our church at my invitation. Chris met the youth. They go to the same school. Then some weeks later:

“I’m thinking about joining Best Buddies (an organization that partners neurotypical youth and peers with disabilities).

“Oh?” I asked with thinly veiled surprise.

Yeah, I only want Chris to be my buddy. I won’t be buddies with anyone but Chris.

“Sure,” I mumbled profoundly, mystified yet grateful.

They began a friendship which marked a period of spiritual growth and development for the youth that I can take little credit for. By his senior year he was president of his schools Best Buddies program, and his younger brother had started up a chapter at his middle school. Chris had taught them much more effectively than I had been able to.

You Cannot Serve Two Gods

Youth pastors can be more like our youth than we would like to believe. If I asked youth pastors what would spell success for their youth groups, they might not say a million dollars or a Bugatti (although even I would give it a try if someone offered), but they may have on their mind people or things the world values rather than what Jesus values.

There are kids that walk into your youth group and you can’t help but notice their gifts. They are funny, athletic, and popular. They are the kids other kids want to be around. If you put enough of them in a room, add pizza, games, and a lesson you will be set.

Then there are the kids I work with in Young Life Capernaum. If you put enough of them in a room, you’ll have many youth pastors stammering sagely about boundaries and prudent stewardship of time. Not that those things go out the window, but there are always noble reasons to avoid the bewildering and uncomfortable values of Jesus.

We usually don’t take Jesus seriously when he tells us he values the invisible, marginalized, and needy.

What Do You Value?

We usually don’t take Jesus seriously when he tells us he values the invisible, marginalized, and needy. However, if money could help our youth groups live into God’s Kingdom, these poor ones would be reckoned as spiritual millionaires. The students with disabilities I work with may be socially awkward, or have more accessibility needs than our pre-ADA church can accommodate, but without them my youth group and I see a much dimmer picture of the Kingdom. If we want our youth to grow up with a vivid picture of God’s Kingdom, then we need to start valuing these students like they are handing out million dollar bills.

Where in your youth group would young people with disabilities be welcomed? This week, how can you begin widening the circle of young people who would be welcomed? Challenge yourself, your leaders, and your young people to love whoever might walk through your doors, embodying the welcome we hope to receive in God’s Kingdom.


About the Author: Zach Grant

Zach Grant

Zacharias Grant works as the Youth Pastor of Grace United Methodist Church in St. Augustine, FL and as coordinator for Young Life’s disability ministry in St. Augustine. Zacharias got his undergraduate degree from Flagler College studying philosophy, religion and youth ministry. He received his M. Div. from Princeton Theological Seminary. He is most passionate about increasing the contact and conversation between the church and folks with disabilities for their mutual transformation.

The Pain We Carry

The Pain We Carry:
7 Strategies for Supporting Hurting Teens

Kids, Concrete, and Care

Ten years ago, while on church staff, I helped to initiate and co-lead a $4 million building program to build a state of the art youth ministry wing. One of the key aspects of the final design was a stained concrete floor.

Once the building construction was underway, I eagerly anticipated the day when the concrete floor would finally receive that deep mocha stain. Painters initially arrived with sand blasters and not paint rollers. For the next two full days they blasted every square inch of concrete.

The Pain We Carry

When a surface is placed under that kind of dynamic intensity it becomes unbelievably porous. Whatever is poured onto the surface of the concrete sinks in and fuses deeply.

Let’s play with this metaphor for a minute.

Humans are incredibly porous. We have a dynamic capacity for absorbing the hurt and trauma of others.  When we enter into the mix with hurting teenagers and their families who have experienced trauma, we can expect to carry it with us.

Being needed is very seductive. Don’t be fooled by an abyss of opportunity to respond to hurting people in crisis. It is not your job to fulfill every need.

The more intense and enduring the trauma we enter into, the more deeply we can expect it to sink into us.

If we are not careful we can get awfully lost in the trauma of those we seek to serve. Their trauma can quickly become our trauma.

I would like to suggest 7 strategies that have been helpful as my wife and I have walked with deeply hurting individuals for the last 20 years together.

Strategy #1: Show Up

There really is no need to think through helpful strategies for entering into human pain if you are not actually showing up in the life of someone who is hurting.

When you show up, be fully there. Enter into the messiness.

Practice the lost art of listening. Sit down. Relax. Breathe in deeply. Breathe out slowly. Lean in with an open posture. Make eye contact and reflect back what you hear and understand people are sharing with you.

So, be gentle. Be warm. Be curious. Be near. But be there.

Strategy #2: Move Slowly

When you orient your life toward those who are stuck in pain, move in slowly. More than likely, trust has been compromised in the life of the hurting individual. We honor their pain well by not spooking them by need to be needed.

Ease into relationships with hurting people at a pace that your own life can handle. There will be moments of overwhelm when we overestimate our capacity. We are served well when we pay attention to those feelings and make adjustments accordingly.

Don’t over-program. It’s easy to sell your soul to the devil of busyness.  Hurting people need men and women who are grounded.

“Slow” is the only way forward.

Strategy #3: Practice Saying NO

Believe it or not, it’s not cruel to tell someone NO. In fact, it may be the most loving thing they have ever been offered when it flows from a healthy heart.

Strategy #4: Don’t Go Alone

Build an infrastructure of others who will help you discern when to say NO. Invite people in around you who care more about your flourishing than what you can produce.

Cultivate a network of highly specialized clinicians skilled at entering into trauma in an ethical and competent manner. Ask other therapists who they respect in this arena.

Read. There is a wealth of wisdom available now in the area of trauma. We’ve learned so much about how the body heals. Adopt a spirit of teachability and receptivity in this area. Don’t just externalize it. Allow it to form you as well.

Strategy #5: Take Self-Care Seriously

Self-care is not selfish. It’s good stewardship. If you destroy your “self” then you really have nothing to offer.

Before jumping into the hurt of another, be willing to dive into your own. Meet with a counselor. Have lunch with a spiritual director. Seek out silent spaces for quiet reflection. Go on a soul care retreat. Hang out with monks. Incorporate play. Live!

Strategy #6: Cultivate Healthy Boundaries

Being needed is very seductive. Don’t be fooled by an abyss of opportunity to respond to hurting people in crisis. It is not your job to fulfill every need.

My brother in law says, “You have to teach people how to treat you.” My therapist told me, “No one will value your time more than you.”

Become unavailable to need. Practice sabbath keeping. Isn’t it interesting that of all the commandments God handed down to us, “Remember the Sabbath” is the only one that includes the word “remember”? God knew we would ignore this one.

Strategy #7: Prepare Yourself for Feelings of Inadequacy

It is inevitable that you are signing up for intense feelings of inadequacy. You will let people down. Accept that you can’t fix it. It simply comes with the territory of working with hurting and wounded people…which could be you or me on any given day.

We Are Called to Deal with Pain

As caregivers, we need to be surrounded by a healthy community of wise men and women who are not so impressed by us that they forfeit concern for the well being of our souls.

Over the course of the last twenty years, kindred friendships have sustained us as we have entered into the depths of pain with students and their families. Sometimes these friendships have cheered us on as we have taken those necessary risks to really be there with kids. Other times those same friends have confronted us to let go of our need to be there.

The reality is that “being there” and “not being there” are both really hard. Lingering in pain or leaving pain is the tension that we live in as those called to care for others.

Who are a handful of people who really know you and care for YOU more than your work?


About the Author: Hayne Steen

Hayne Steen - Kindred Youth MinistryHayne Steen is the Director of Counseling and Care at The SoulCare Project as well as a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice with Elbow Tree Christian Counseling. Hayne grew up on surfing on the northeast Florida coast where met his wife Ruth Ann while attending Flagler College in St. Augustine, FL where they were both students and Young Life leaders together. Since then they both have been serving in full time ministry with Young Life and the local church all over the state of Florida, in Atlanta and most recently serving on the ministry staff of Signal Mountain Presbyterian Church and the Chattanooga Youth Network. Hayne and his wife continue to live on Signal Mountain with their three children where they enjoy living, playing and worshipping in an amazing community of family and friends.

Mentor

One Thing Every Youth Worker Desperately Needs

The Value of a Mentor

You’d think as youth leaders, we would know firsthand the necessity of a mentor—someone slightly further along the path of life that we can emulate and learn from. After  all, the entire occupation of youth ministry is built upon the value of mentoring! But far too often, we spend all our time and energy being the mentor and role model for young people. And instead of investing in our own spiritual walk, we stagnate. You need a mentor!

Mentor

This mentor can be a spiritual director, a counselor, a pastor, a church member, a business person in your town, or a parent of a student you know. Or contact our friends at PRYME, and get connected with a veteran youth worker in your town. It all depends on what you need. Let’s be clear, though—you need this person in your life! If you aren’t growing personally, your life and ministry will, without question, eventually reflect this.  As youth leaders, we are constantly pouring ourselves out. We desperately need to find people that are going to invest in us if we are going to continue to give ourselves away in ministry!

My mentor’s wisdom, counsel, advice, and affirmation help to dispel the false narratives that are trapped deep in the recesses of my mind, and replace those with narratives that allow me to become more of my true self.

Finding Your Mentor

So how do you find a mentor? About ten years ago I was challenged to make a list of the top five people I would ask to mentor me if I could ask anyone. I wrote down the list, mustered up some courage, and typed in the phone number I’d received from a friend for the person at the very top of my list. I’d only briefly met him once before and didn’t think he’d even remember me. A few minutes later, I had a new mentor. Come to find out, people with a lot of wisdom are often looking for ways to share it, and younger people to invest into… A few days later, I showed up at my new mentor’s house and found out that many years before, he’d been mentored by an older, wiser man who was a little further down the road than he was, and it had been one of the most meaningful relationships of his life.

To this day, my mentor speaks life into me. He affirms the gifts and talents he sees in me, and encourages me every time we meet. We talk about the spiritual disciplines and just by asking about my spiritual life, he holds me accountable. If I have a major life decision to make, I want his input, and I trust his voice in my life. His wisdom, counsel, advice, and affirmation help to dispel the false narratives that are trapped deep in the recesses of my mind, and replace those with narratives that allow me to become more of my true self. Because of my friendship with my mentor, I have so much more to offer to those that I lead.  He is a close confidante, he has walked with me through some very trying and difficult times, and celebrated many joyous occasions as well. When we meet, we mostly talk about Jesus, life, and what we’re learning. Sound familiar? Kind of like what you and I do with students all the time!

Who’s Your Mentor?

So, my friends, why not sit down now a make a list of five people that you know of that you could ask to mentor you? I’d be willing to bet that you will be pleasantly surprised after making a couple phone calls just as I was!

My friends and I here at KYM put together an entire e-book of ideas, tips, and tricks like this called “11 Hacks for Youth Ministry.” I hope you’ll download it today at kindredyouthministry.com, and continue to invest in yourself, so you can continue to invest in others. We hope it’s helpful for you and your ministry!

We also want to invite you to join a Kindred Coaching Cohort! Find a sense of community.  Learn practical skills like time management, team building, leader recruitment and training, and how to delegate. Have your entire year planned including all the curriculum and resources you need to make it happen provided by leading scholars and practitioners!

You are not alone! Set yourself up to thrive in the work of youth ministry and in life!  


About the Author: Zach Gurick

Zach Gurick

Zach started in youth ministry in 2001 and has developed ministries for middle school, high school, and college aged students in cities throughout the state of Florida. He’s also the co-founder of Kindred Youth Ministry. He loves to study theology, leadership development, and is especially interested in spiritual formation. Click here to read more about Zach.

 

Youth Ministry Games: Do We Need Them?

Keep the games. Youth in Hong Kong need to play.

This was the first advice I received from Dale, one of my parents-volunteers, as we were chatting over a plate of sushi about my arrival as the new Youth Director. It was a few weeks ago in Lai Kwan Fung, one the busiest neighborhoods in Hong Kong. “Gotcha,” I replied.Do we need games?

But inwardly, I was not convinced. As I went back home that day, I recalled all my experiences being a youth leader in churches and scout troops. “I have always played with youth,” I realized. Games are not only needed for the youth in Hong Kong. All youth need to play. We all need to play. But why?

We all know that games are great tools to be used when working with youth. Games are the best icebreakers, they create a good atmosphere within a group, they help to tire out our super-energized teens, and—let’s be honest—games are also an easy way to fill empty time.

All these arguments are legit. But they are also superficial. Could we try to go a little bit deeper into our theological understanding of games?

In order to offer a theological frame to the action of playing, we must look for our underlying motivations beyond just the utilitarian use of games.

To Be in the Present Time

A recurring theme that I have observed in many parts of the world is our human nature to worry about the future. In Western Europe, where the economic situation is depressing, I have seen young people starting to think of their retirement as soon as they got their first job. In Asia, I have seen parents worrying way too much about the future of their kids.

Games do not answer questions… Games are a proclamation that our actions should not always be utilitarian, useful, and relevant.

Games do not answer questions… Games are a proclamation that our actions should not always be utilitarian, useful, and relevant.

Therefore the first theological theme that I see about games is time. When playing games, we don’t usually worry about the future. Games represent a “time-out,” when no one needs to answer the dreaded question: “What’s next?

When they play games, kids are allowed to forget for a few minutes what they want to do in the future or who they want to be. Games are about enjoying the present moment. And I believe that the enjoyment of the present time is a value we need to rediscover.

Jesus talked about it long before me, and more beautifully, in the famous parable of Matthew 6:25-34, when he asks us to consider “the birds of the air.” The conclusion of the parable turned out to be not advice, but a command: “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”

We play because games help us to be in the present time, and not to worry about the future.

To Feel Joy

Close your eyes for a few seconds and try to recall the best games you ever experienced. What do these games have in common? For me, the best criterion to differentiate a good game from an “okay” game is the level of joy that is felt during the game. The more laughs there are, the better.

Maybe we ought to play games with youth simply because it makes us laugh a lot and have fun. Games are important for everybody because they inherently provide joy. If we believe that joy is at the heart of the Gospel, then games become a way to share Christ’s love and joy authentically with others.

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Joy is a spiritual practice. The more we play, the more we are transformed into the joyful people we are, in part because we train ourselves to see real life as a wonderful game.  Slowly, repetitively, the joy that is developed in the games starts to spread to other parts of our life. Maybe that is what Mother Teresa had in mind when she told us: “Life is a game, play it.”

To Affirm Irrelevance

I am a newbie in Hong Kong, but it did not take me long to realize how this society is heavily driven by material success. It is a place where kids have very few opportunities to play because worried parents who aim for their kids to triple-major in an Ivy League University a few years from now see games as unproductive and useless.

I have been told many times that the calendar of a 12-year old kid in Hong Kong is just as jam-packed as a senior executive. Therefore I fully understand Dale’s visceral attachment to games.

But sadly, this situation is not just the case here in Hong Kong. Most of us are doing youth ministry in content-oriented cultures and performance-driven environments. In all these places, irrelevance is not welcome.

The theologian Paul Tillich, in his great lecture The Irrelevance And Relevance of The Christian Message, defined irrelevance as not answering “the existential questions of the humanity of today.” Games do not answer questions. They do not provide any measurable content and knowledge to the kids. Unlike competitive sports, music or volunteering activities, games cannot be added on a résumé. Games are irrelevant by nature.

Henri J.M. Nouwen based his book on Christian leadership, In The Name of Jesus, on the encounter between Jesus and Satan in the desert. For Nouwen, the first temptation that Jesus had to face—to change rocks into bread—was the temptation to be relevant.

By turning down Satan’s invitation, Jesus refused to be useful to the world. Of course,  Jesus was ultimately relevant to the world! But he also knows that one cannot always be relevant.

Games are more than time-killers.

Relevance and irrelevance are both needed, but each in its own time. What we need is a healthy blend of relevance (trying to answer the questions of the world) and irrelevance (not answering these questions).

Games are a proclamation that our actions should not always be utilitarian, useful, and relevant. Games help us to overcome a temptation that Jesus himself went through: to always make things relevant. Irrelevance becomes a virtue to develop, and games a great way to develop this virtue.

Keep the Games!

Games are today usually limited to a very narrow segment of our church population: children and youth. After a certain age, we stop playing games, falsely believing that older teenagers and adult would find them childish. But that should not be the case.

Games are more than time-killers. They help us to be anchored in the present moment, they are amazing tools to develop joy, and even more importantly; games can be used to reclaim the spiritual virtue of irrelevance.

So please—fellow youth workers, parents, volunteers, youth—follow Dale’s advice: “Keep the games. And not only in Hong Kong. Everywhere.


About the Author: Antonin Ficatier

Antonin Ficatier - Kindred Youth Ministry

Antonin Ficatier studied in three different continents and holds two Master Degrees in Business and Education. Born in France, Antonin is currently based in Hong Kong, where he works as Youth Director for an international and interdenominational church.

How Should We Think About Young People? - Wes Ellis

Video: How Should We Think About Young People?

In this video, Zach Gurick of Kindred talks with Wes Ellis about how we as youth pastors should think about young people.

Transcript

Zach Gurick: Alright so we’re here with Wes Ellis, just finished up the Flagler youth ministry forum, we have these amazing people all gathered together, so we had to take the opportunity to hear from Wes who is somewhat of an expert of bringing together youth ministry and theology, studying for your Ph.D. at Aberdeen right now. Maybe you could tell us a little about, how should we as youth workers think about young people? We call them youth, kids, teens, adolescents; tell us about that because you’re one of the leading experts on this.

Wes Ellis: Haha well thank (you). First of all I don’t know if I’m a leading expert but yeah there is… there has been, always been this debate about, what should be call kids? Obviously a bias right there, but how should we think about young people, what we call them and does that matter. I think it matters because I think there’s a sort of an impulse in youth ministry to think about young people as sort of potential adults, and that’s sort of what adolescence is all about, what adolescence means.

How Should We Think About Young People? - Wes EllisThat has been, kind of the running theme and the strongest paradigm in how to think about young people in youth ministry, and it’s been helpful to us in so many ways, but I also think that when youth ministry is about developing young people, developing adolescents, into mature Christian adults, what tends to happen, is we as youth workers feel like we failed when our young people in our churches aren’t developing the way we think they should. Also, we tend to leave behind those young people who aren’t developing the way we think they should.

So we elevate the kids who fit our paradigm, the kids who model those things in the present that we look like what we want to exist in the future. And, as youth workers with limited time having to choose where to invest that time, we tend to leave some kids behind.young people - kindred youth ministry - 1

And I think it would be powerful for us to begin to think about young people not as adolescents in a stage of development toward adulthood, but actually to think about them as human beings who are engaging in a practice, in a social practice of youth, and teaching the church some things about the way God is working in their lives. The fact is, the God who’s working in the lives of young people is not a junior Holy Spirit, this is not… this is the same God who is working in you and me, is working in 13 and 15 year olds, and we have some profound things to learn from that.

So youth ministers can think of young people as people, as human beings, and expect to find not just a ball of clay to be molded into an adult, but someone who can actually reveal to us something that God is doing in the church.

Zach: That is a fantastic paradigm shift for us, and I think that as you are talking I’m thinking about kids in my mind that I have learned so much from by doing this and I’m getting just as much out of it as I’m giving to them.

Wes: Yeah it’s a two way street like we are…

Zach: … God is revealing to us through them as well and us.

Wes: Absolutely, we always sort of co-mentoring each other. And the church, we can think about all the ways youth people can transform and give energy, we don’t even know all the potential for what they can teach us because I think we’ve been so set on what the path of development should look like. So maybe let’s just get out of this… let’s stop thinking about a path of development and start thinking about ministry. And I think there is a difference.

young people - kindred youth ministry - 2

Zach: Yeah. That’s fantastic, I think that’s an amazing overview of who you are and what you’re working on and I can’t wait for more to come.

Wes: Cool. Thank You.

How should we think about young people in youth ministry?


About the Author: Wes Ellis

Wes Ellis is the Associate Pastor of First United Methodist Church of Toms River in New Jersey. He earned an M.Div. and an M.A. in Christian Education from Princeton Theological Seminary. He’s a husband, a father, and a youth worker.

Stop the Chaos

Video: Stop the Chaos

Emily Felgenhauer gave this presentation, titled Stop the Chaos, at the annual Youth Ministry Academy conference in Orlando, Florida. This event was presented in conjunction by the Youth Ministry Institute and the Center for Youth Ministry Training, and was sponsored by Kindred Youth Ministry.

Below the video you can find the transcription, if you prefer to read Emily’s content, as well as images and links from the presentation.

Transcript:

Good morning everyone!

I’m so excited to be here, I love talking with youth ministers cause you get it, we get it, not a lot of people get it. So I’m so glad that we are all here together this morning.

This documentary called Race to Nowhere was done in 2010 and it calls us to challenge current thinking about how we prepare our children for success. It features heartbreaking stories of students across the country who’ve been pushed to the brink by over-scheduling, over-testing, and relentless pressure to achieve. Race to Nowhere points to a silent epidemic in schools through the testimony of educators and parents and educational experts. It reveals an educational system where cheating is the common place for our students. Students have become disengaged they have stress related illnesses like depression and burn out is rampant among our students and young people arrive at college and the work place unprepared and uninspired.

Stop the Chaos - Emily Felgenhauer

So I want to ask you guys, I need some audience participation her, I want to give you some scenario’s I’ve encountered in the 10 years that I have been in ministry and I just want to see if you’ve encountered them to with your families and your students. So if this is you, if you relate, if you can stand.

So the first one is – How many of you have noticed that your youth program dwindles in attendance in as the school year goes on because kids are in extracurricular activities and they have taken over? Okay, alright thanks.

Here’s the second question – Do you often hear your students tell you that they have too much homework or need to study for a test and that’s why they can’t make it church? Wow, okay.

And the last one – Do you have students who seem to be going a million miles a minute trying to keep up with the pace that has been set by them, by their parents, their peers, their schools, and the colleges that they are applying to? Please stand.

This is our America. This is what’s happening to our students. Thank you so much for participating and honestly it made me feel lot better because I’ve gone through the ringer about this and I’ll get to why.

How does the church fit into the chaotic schedules of our students? Are we part of the problem? We’re going to discuss today, and today my workshops I’m going to be talking at 2 and then again at 3:45 about some ways that we can help stop the chaos that our students are going through.

So it is clear chaos that ours students have little to know down time, right? Because they have so much going on. So many youth are over achievers and they strive to have several above average classes like AP classes and IB classes, it’s more unheard of now to hear of students not in extracurricular activities.

How does the church fit into the chaotic schedules of our students? Are we part of the problem?

So according to a survey done in December of 2015 by PEW research center about 7 in 10 parents, 73%, with at list one child the age 6-17 say that their children participated in sports or athletics in the last 12 months prior to the survey, okay. So most of the time, school activities take up several nights in a week and especially weekends too while we are doing programming.

A group of professors from Stanford and Villanova had been collecting data since 2007 on the issue of ‘how much is too much’ when it comes to managing after school activities. They surveyed 8,838 students attending 15 different schools, 9 were private schools and 6 were public. The magic number is 20 hours. That’s where they started to see some health issues with our kids. The kids spend an average of 9.6 hours, Monday thru Friday on outside activities and that is an average, meaning half of those students were over that number. And this with private schools putting in 20% more time than the public school students.

When do they study? When do they get their homework done? When do they have social life? And when do they actually get alone time just to be with themselves? When do they get family time?

You know if you’ve got programming and Sunday nights like we do, that’s when I hear the most push back for families and from parents saying, this is the only time we get to spend as a family. It’s hard.

So, according to US news report in June of 2015, the national sleep foundation recommends that adolescence get 8-10 hours of sleep each night. However, High School students, drawn from dozens of high performing High Schools from across the country, report an average of 6 hours during the week nights. Again, an average, meaning half of them get less than that.

I know that you feel the stress of your kids and your parents and I have heard many from my youth director friends that it makes them want to pull their hair out at the thought of the constant battle of trying to make church a priority with families, when the reality is success has become the priority of our kids.

Harvard Graduate School of Education released a project in 2016 called, Turning the Tide. It’s a report that has concerns for students going to the college admissions process. It says that Generation Z, students who were born from 1995 to 2010, are obsessed with personal success over their own common good. Which means that they are involved in extracurricular activities and higher level classes in order to find personal success over balance of what we truly now is good for them, for their heart and their soul which of course we say ‘it’s church and Jesus.’

It’s becomes so obvious that our students are completely stressed out and over worked with their busy schedules, even colleges are responding with solutions to help our children chill out. So let’s take a look at this clip from Today’s Show, it was done in January of last year, and it addresses the pressures that High School students have and how it’s getting greater and greater and greater. And several ivy leagues schools are calling for some stunning changes, let’s take a quick look.

Alright, so this is a three year process that just came out last year. We’ve got two years still to go to see colleges actually making significant changes and getting the word out to our kids that they don’t need to be doing so much. So, colleges are noticing our depressed students as they’re coming in and colleges are adjusting. So, it’s time we as the church that we take knowledge of this and we adjust as well.

You know I will get so frustrated at my parents and our you know our students, why aren’t they making church a priority? Why aren’t they making God a priority? So I aired my frustrations to my leadership team one day and they’re made up of parents and small group leaders and I just shared, you know, like ‘what’s going on with our kids, our attendance is going down?!’ like ‘why are they in so much many extracurricular activities? …all this kind of stuff.’

Colleges are noticing our depressed students as they’re coming in and colleges are adjusting. So, it’s time we as the church… adjust as well.

And I have one of my parents, one small group leaders, her name is Anne Crownan, and she has students that are in my programming and she shared the frustration that she felt as well as a parent. And, you know you know sometimes her kids, she’s always there on Sunday night, she is always a faithful volunteer but sometimes her kids miss church, they miss programming, they miss events but her mom is usually there, her mom’s made the commitment, but their kids has such crazy schedules.

You know, she’s got two daughters; one’s a freshman, her name is Julia, and the other is a junior, and her name is Suzanna. Both of them go to two different magnet schools to specialize in their fields, so eventually major in college. Julia the youngest, precious little thing next to the tree, she wants to be a professional trumpet player, and Suzanna, standing by her daddy, wants to be a veterinarian.

So, Anne shared with me in the meeting that night the real struggle and frustration of the expectations that those two girls’ schools have put on their family, have put on their family. She’s not excited to run her youngest daughter back and forth to marching band practice, and she’s got an ankle injury that she has to hurry up and get ready for marching season to make sure Julie can do it. Suzanna doesn’t drive yet and she has to do experience for veterinarian school, at farms, at veterinarian offices, at pet stores. All that kind of stuff. And she babysits to make some money too – to eventually buy a car. So you know their driving all over!

You have the exact same families in your youth program. You know exactly what I am talking about.

So after they get home from logging for hours, for their specific fields, then they have to still do homework, right? So their up until the middle of the night and Anne and her husband are like ‘our daughters aren’t getting sleep, their like malnutritioned.’ Like you know they’re going through the ringer about this.

This is not a choice that Anne would have chosen for her daughters, but this is what expected of them to the school system.

You know this was really enlightening to me to hear Anne’s story because I don’t have kids yet and you know at the end of the day, just like all of us, I just want to do a good job at youth ministry. I do! You know, and honestly, there were some hard adjustments that I needed to make, and how I was viewing family priorities.

There was also some program adjustments that I wanted to talk to my leadership team about, you know with how do we make quality programs and a time with our students really matter? We need to stop the chaos of over-programming and we need to start helping parents escape the success driven pressures that society has created.

You know through the years after I referred myself as Martha in scripture. You guys know the story, Marian Martha was sisters and Jesus comes and spends time with them and Martha is busy in the kitchen and you know she was doing stuff around the house. She wants to be the “hostess with mostest”. And their her sister Mary sitting on Jesus’s you know feet, listening to him, taking in every word and Martha’s like ‘I need some help Mary.’ You know and she goes to Jesus, ‘Can you please ask Mary to help?’ and Jesus says ‘No, but Mary’s doing is a good thing.’ It’s a good thing.

We need to stop the chaos of over-programming and we need to start helping parents escape the success-driven pressures that society has created.

I know the truth of the matter for me is I needed to own that I was making students attendance to our programming and the church more of my priority that the success of our students growing in relationship with their Savior. Ouch. So I could relate to them, I could relate to them.

My success is my career right? Youth Ministry. I was wanting our families to make church a priority because that’s how I would look successful, and I needed to own the reality that I related with our students in this area. I want to look successful in my life and career. Would guilting them work? No. Would complaining about them work? No.

It’s our job as the church to work with families to help unify them with God. We as a church need to look at our programs and how we are creating space for families to strengthen and grow. It’s our job to come alongside them and be their cheerleaders and not guilt trip them, which I was doing.

You know according to Miriam Webster, success is labeled: the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect or fame. Our students and parents are being groomed by our higher education that if they take the harder classes, they take more curricular activities, which causes them to stay up later, sleep less, and aim for perfection in grades and competition amongst their peers, that this will lead them to a successful life. We as the church can come alongside them and offer our families, parenting classes on how to relieve stress and be the bright light to them in their future.

We can stop over programming and look at our programs to be more quality oriented than quantity. We can be their cheerleader even when they’re too busy to come to church and help them feel valued, loved and wanted without putting pressure on them. They’re getting pressure from everywhere.

You know Jesus told Martha, the fact that Mary was sitting with Him and just being with Him was right instead of being too busy and over stress and chaotic. This is contrary of what American success driven culture is telling our families and our students. I’m naturally an A type personality and I’m detail-oriented I’m a doer by nature. So my next step of wanting to make some real changes for our program and for our families wants to answer the question of how? ‘How are we going to be a participant in stopping the chaos?’

During my workshops today we will be exploring more of implementing these things and discussing practical ways for any ministry and any minister to be part of the solution and not the problem of our society’s chaos and drive for success. Thank you.


About the Author: Emily Felgenhauer

Emily FelgenhauerEmily Felgenhauer is a graduate of Olivet Nazarene University in Kankakee, Illinois, with a degree in communications and the Youth Ministry Institute in Orlando, Florida. At a Chrysalis retreat her freshman year of high school her life changed. From that point, “I understood what a ‘relationship with Jesus’ really meant,” she says. Emily is the proud aunt of two nephews, She has a chocolate lab, Bear, “who means the world to me.” She currently is the youth minister at Hyde Park United Methodist Church in Tampa, Florida. Emily teaches Delivering an Effective Message for the Youth Ministry Institute.

Friendship, Joy, & Youth Ministry

Meet Bobby

Bobby is one of those high achieving kids. At school, he’s an “A” student who sits in the front of the class, actually does his homework, and (gasp!) studies for tests. Bobby’s also a pole vaulter on the track and field team. He’s always among the first to arrive and the last to leave. His coaches consider him to be one of the team’s leaders and an example to his teammates. They hold him to a high standard and, just like in his event, he works hard to clear the bar.

Friendship, Joy & YM

 

For Bobby, church is no different. When he comes to Sunday School, he always brings his Bible with him and is the first to find the Bible passage when the youth minister calls it out. At youth group, he loves to play games, but when it’s time to sit down for Bible study, he never hesitates. He shuffles to the front couch in the youth room and when the youth minister asks, “Who wants to pray for us?” the fingers of most of the other kids in the room often point to him. When Bobby is a senior, he’ll be a shoe-in to preach on Youth Sunday, and his youth minister is just sure he’d be a great pastor someday if he wants to be.

Meet Sarah

Sarah is what we call a problem child. She’s not interested in school. She sits in the back of the class and rarely has what she needs with her. She knows what her teachers expect of her—she’s been made to know, all too well, through compulsory visits to the principal’s office and angry lectures from her parents—but she’s become numb to those expectations through a few too many failures. She’s on the drama team, but finds it pointless to audition for the lead roles, since those seem to always go to the same kids anyway.

For Sarah, church is no different. She goes to church because her parents want her to be there… and she knows her parents are really only there because they want her to be there too. In vain, her youth minister has invited her several times to sing with the worship team or start a drama club in the youth group. She’s been told that God wants to “use” her. Sarah is tired of being used. She politely smiles and declines.

She sits through the Bible studies, listening to all the expectations God and her youth minister have of her. But she knows a thing or two about expectations. She listens while she texts her friends on her cell phone—a safe haven to which she must discretely retreat from the barrage of “calls to action” … until her youth minister takes the phone away, of course. Sarah will never preach on a Youth Sunday, as even praying out loud would be just short of traumatic for her, and she’ll never live up to the standards to which she’s told her God and her youth minister seem to hold her.

The Culture of Accomplishment

Bobby and Sarah live in the same world—a world marked by standards and expectations and contracts. They’re responding in different ways, but they’re both responding to the same culture of accomplishment. It’s a “dog-eat-dog” world, an “I and it” world (to channel the great Jewish philosopher, Martin Buber). It’s a world that worships at the altar of productivity. And, for Bobby and Sarah, the church is no different. That is our real problem.

For a long time, we in youth ministry have been worrying about the wrong problem. We’ve been concerned with figuring out which goals we want to get young people to accomplish.

For a long time, we in youth ministry have been worrying about the wrong problem. We’ve been concerned with figuring out which goals we want to get young people to accomplish. Do we want to help them become mature Christian teenagers or mature Christian adults? Do we want to make sure their faith is “sticky” and that they stay in the church after high school? Do we want them to have a working knowledge of the Christian faith and a clearly defined and internalized sense of mission? Do we want to find ways for them to be leaders in the church and to help transform it?

These are all really important questions, and choosing our outcomes—or finding ways to integrate them—will always be important for youth ministers and practical theologians. But the real problem is the question of motivations. What’s motivating us in youth ministry? If the answer is an outcome, another accomplishment, an expectation we heap upon the shoulders of our young people, then the church will continue to be no different from the culture of accomplishment for Bobby and Sarah. And the ways they respond to those expectations, no matter how diverse they are, will all reflect the same problem. Bobby and Sarah are both being failed by the same distorted motivations.

So What’s Our Motivation?

Bobby and Sarah, even though Sarah won’t often be given credit for it, are both good listeners. They’ve listened to what the world wants from them—while Bobby works his tail off to give the world what it wants and Sarah has decided to just give up, they both respond to the same demands. And even though some might assume that secularization should preclude it, Bobby and Sarah are both confronted by the same God, a God who wants to “use” them, a God who could just as easily be a CEO or a college admissions officer.

Because God is motivated by joy, God will never be satisfied with a world that inhibits it.

But the God of Scripture is not a CEO and Jesus Christ would have been fired from the admissions team (Yale and Harvard don’t really want “the least of these”, see Matthew 25). The God of Scripture is, fundamentally, a God of joy. This is at the core of God’s being. Even when God suffers—and God does suffer—it is because God is a God of joy. Because God is motivated by joy, God will never be satisfied with a world that inhibits it.

Rejoicing in Joy

Joy has a way of undermining the culture of accomplishment because joy is an end in itself. Accomplishment always needs a goal. And once that goal is achieved, it will need another one because the culture of accomplishment is what it is by virtue of its pursuit of a goal. In this framework, the value of people and things are appraised according to their ability or inability to accomplish.

God doesn’t just want Bobby and Sarah to be good religious kids. God wants to enjoy Bobby and Sarah just as they are.

This is, perhaps, especially true for young people. I mean, think about how we talk about them. The word “adolescence” itself has a clear goal. It means “growing to maturity.” And developmental psychologists, at least since Erik Erickson, have talked about it in terms of accomplishment: “the tasks of adolescence.”

But joy is about love, it’s about delighting in the beloved, not reaching some other goal. And since God is motivated by joy, God did not create the world to accomplish something with it. God created the world to enjoy it. We are God’s beloved and God delights in us. God doesn’t want to “use” us, God wants to enjoy friendship with us.

What’s God’s motivation? The answer is joy. And as the theologian Jürgen Moltmann has put it, “…this answer abolishes the intent of such questions as: For what purpose has [humankind] been created?… For the answer does not indicate ethical goals and ideal purposes but justifies existence as such” (Theology and Joy, 42). God doesn’t just want Bobby and Sarah to be good religious kids. God doesn’t even just want to be their guide to adulthood. God wants to enjoy Bobby and Sarah just as they are.

Let’s Be Different

The problem for Bobby and Sarah is that the church is no different. So let’s be different! When Bobby and Sarah go to church, they don’t need another teacher or another coach. What they need is a friend. They need adults in their life who aren’t just worried about getting them to the next accomplishment. They need adults who actually enjoy them—adults who will listen to them, laugh with them, and take interest in them. And beyond that, they need a youth ministry that won’t just offer new or different goals and standards but an actual alternative to the rat race. So here’s how the church can be different: we can worry less about our goals, more about our motivations, and we can start letting joy be our motivation.

Youth ministry needs to say, loud and clear, “You’re already who you need to be!God is working in the kids we love and they can encounter God just as they are!

Our hope isn’t that we can earn the love of God, but instead that God loves us because of who God is!

This will be good news to Bobby because it means he can relax a little and realize that his value doesn’t come from accomplishments (not even “Christian” ones), but from just being Bobby. And this will be good news for Sarah, because it means that she doesn’t have to be defined by her failures or the successes of other people. She matters and she’s loved just as she is.

Our hope isn’t that we can earn the love of God, but instead that God loves us because of who God is! And guess what! Ironically, when that message is heard—when God’s joy motivates us to say, “You are already who you need to be”—it will transform us. It will transform Bobby. It will transform Sarah. And it will change the world.


About the Author: Wes Ellis

Wes Ellis is the Associate Pastor of First United Methodist Church of Toms River in New Jersey. He earned an M.Div. and an M.A. in Christian Education from Princeton Theological Seminary. He’s a husband, a father, and a youth worker.

Reimagining Missions

Video: Reimagining the Missions Trip

This week we would like to share the full teaching from Tyler Fuller on Reimagining the Missions Trip. Tyler taught this session at the Flagler Forum on Youth Ministry at Flagler College in St. Augustine, Florida.

Youth ministry veteran and Flagler alumni, Tyler is currently the missions pastor at a church in the Florida panhandle. Over his years of ministry, he has had the opportunity to participate, lead, and plan mission trips all over the globe. We are excited to share a bit of his experience and insight with you all.


Excerpts from Tyler Fuller:

“So if at the end of this, you’re thinking mission trips are bad, then this has been a failure. But what I would like us to be thinking about is, we know we are going to do this, right? Your church and your community should be doing mission work. A better way to think about it is – how might we do it better?

Reimagining the Missions Trip

“What we do, when we send the kid to do a job that someone else is capable of, is that we are saying to that person, ‘you don’t really know what you are doing, or maybe you know what you’re doing, but we have the power here, so just move out of the way and let us do the job.’ And so I think the primary question we can ask to kind of help redirect us and how we think about mission trips is – what do our groups have to offer? What are our assets? What do we bring to the field?

What we do, when we send the kid to do a job that someone else is capable of, is that we are saying to that person, “you don’t really know what you are doing, or maybe you know what you’re doing, but we have the power here, so just move out of the way and let us do the job.”

 

“…the good news is we are a good fit for a lot of things… I think the magic sauce of any good student ministry mission trip is building relationships. Your kids know how to build relationships. And the places we go, everybody needs relationship, right? You’re not going to cause harm if you go explicitly to build and nurture relationships. And if you do that well, overtime you’re going to have a better and better sense of what it is that the field needs because you know the field and the field knows you.”

I think the magic sauce of any good student ministry mission trip is building relationships.

Tyler Fuller - Reimagining the missions trip

“And so, if we’re going to aim our trips more towards relationships, it takes a lot of teaching to our kids to make that experience valuable. And I think what we’re trying teach a kid, if you’re saying that building relationships is more important, is that ‘perhaps your experience on a trip is less important then what we’re actually doing on the field. I know that you want to use a hammer, but guess what, they asked us to do VBS and I know you don’t work like working with kids.  Maybe this isn’t the right mission trip for you, because the field wants us to work with kids and that’s what we’re doing.

And so that’s a hard lesson, right? Especially if you’re a people pleaser. and you know a lot of us in ministry are. It’s very hard to say to a kid who wants  to serve,  ‘Hey, this is how we are serving. It doesn’t fit what you want to do.’ But it’s also important to say, ‘perhaps your self-interest is less important then the mission we’re trying to pursue.‘”

“If we want to do this theologically, what we’re trying to do is honor the fact that every single one of us is built by the same God, in the same way, with the same power of the Holy Spirit. It’s not that we from churches with money, or we from the West, or we who travel have somehow different gifts from the Holy Spirit. Different gifts actually is a good way to say it. It’s not that we’re with gifts to a place where there are no gifts. It’s not like we’re coming with the Holy Spirit to a place where there is no God.

What we’re trying to do when we do trips in this way, build relationships and use our gifts, is honor what God is doing on the field, honor the fact that these people, like us, are built by God with skills and talents and abilities and power. And when we step into their place, we’re telling them they don’t have power and they don’t have skills. And we might not have the skills, but we have the power the show them that, right? We might not able to accomplish what they’re going to accomplish. But we can devalue them by the moving them out of the away.”

…what we’re trying to do is honor the fact that every single one of us is built by the same God, in the same way, with the same power of the Holy Spirit.


About the Author: Tyler Fuller
The only job I have ever pursued is vocational ministry. I spent over a decade doingtyler fuller Young Life and church Youth Ministry. I am now the Missions Pastor at a mega church in the panhandle of Florida (who still gets to work with youth every day!)
Everyone is an interim

Everyone Is an Interim: Sustainable Youth Ministry

Sustainable Youth MinistryMark DeVries’ book, Sustainable Youth Ministry, is a classic in the field. If you haven’t read it by now, and you’re involved in some way, shape, or form with youth ministry, I encourage you to go pick it up. Sensible, practical, pastoral, full of evocative examples and imagery, this is a deceptively simple book that’s also a must-have. Let me whet your appetite with what I consider to be not only the practical, but also the theological core of DeVries’ argument: “Everyone is an interim” (p. 92).

That’s right. Every single person in ministry is an interim. No one is permanent. Or, as the Psalmist might put it: “As for mortals, their days are like grass; they flourish like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more” (Psalm 103:15–16).

Everyone is An Interim

Nobody Stays Forever

I don’t particularly like this insight. I don’t like to think about the fact that, some day, I will be gone. But it’s true. At some point in time, I will no longer exist. In an even shorter amount of time, the ministry I care about so much will probably no longer be under my care. And, truth be told, even the longest serving ministers only stay with one ministry for a few decades.

The majority of ministers hang around for even less time. “The average youth minister,” writes DeVries, “serves a single church for 3.9 years,” or, put another way, the span of seeing one cohort of young people through the four years of high school (p. 92). Now, DeVries was writing a decade ago. Perhaps youth ministers stay longer than that nowadays. But even if a youth minister stays in one place for a decade, eventually, one day, she will leave.

But even if a youth minister stays in one place for a decade, eventually, one day, she will leave.

But, as DeVries goes on to argue, this is the point. If we actually come to grips with the interim nature of our particular participation in a particular ministry, “Those of us in ministry might free ourselves just a bit from the tantalizing illusion of our own indispensability” (p. 93). And so, indeed, might those alongside whom we are serving.

In fact, hopefully, this realization will help us direct ministry toward God and toward the world, instead of centering it on ourselves. “Maybe,” DeVries encourages us, “that interim title would help churches and search committees come to grips with the fact that they are never searching for the youth director but for someone who can, for a season, steward a vision much larger than themselves” (p. 93).

Playing Our Role in God’s Story

This insight changes the entire character of ministry. Interims, DeVries suggests, “proactively prepare the way for a future that does not include them. Interims are midwives, not mothers” (p. 92).

This is the theological and practical core of Sustainable Youth Ministry. If we’re no longer searching for the person, but paying attention to what God is doing and the structures that enable us to participate in what God is doing, we just might catch a glimpse of this larger vision and make steps to participate in it over the long haul. This makes our ministries “sustainable,” not in the sense that even the ministries will exist forever, but that, by taking part in what God is doing, they take part in something lasting. Again, as the psalmist would say, “The steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children” (Psalm 103:17).

The Work of God

These kinds of ministries are also sustainable because they rely less on our effort and more on God. If we switch from the Psalms to the prophets, we might be reminded of Isaiah 40. The prophet echoes the psalmist: “Surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades; but the word of our God will stand forever” (Isaiah 40:7–8). The prophet is told to cry out in order to “prepare the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain” (Isaiah 40:3–4).

This is the structural work that DeVries calls for: leveling the “dance floor,” so that ministry can proceed with grace—even if that’s a messy grace (p. 52)! In this way, ministry might even be seen as less about what we do than what we don’t do. How do we clear the way for God to work? How can ministry be about getting out of God’s way?

How do we clear the way for God to work? How can ministry be about getting out of God’s way?

In doing so, we learn to cast ourselves upon the one who “does not faint or grow weary,” but who “gives power to the faint, and strengthens the powerless” (Isaiah 40:29). After all, “Even youths will faint and be weary, and the young will fall exhausted; but those who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:30–31).

Sustain Youth Ministry

There’s a reason we understand God as a Sustainer—God is the one who creates and preserves all life. Ultimately, the youth ministry in which we serve is not ours to sustain, but God’s. So take Isaiah 40 seriously. Remember that the youth ministry work we do is always interim work, in which we play second fiddle to the work God has been doing, is doing, and will continue doing long after we leave.

Let us sustain youth ministry by giving it back over, fully and completely, to the Lord who began the good work.May it be so in our ministries and in our lives.


About the Author: Marcus Hong

Marcus HongMarcus A. Hong is a child of God. He’s also the Director of Field Education and Assistant Professor of Practical Theology at Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary, a PhD Candidate in Christian Education and Formation at Princeton Theological Seminary, and a cultivator of worship who has served in congregations, college chapels, and youth groups for over fifteen years. Marcus loves movies, fantasy literature, poetry and songwriting, and, alongside his brilliant wife Sarah, has his hands blessedly full raising two precocious children.

4 Tools Ministry Priorities

4 Tools to Reveal Your Ministry Priorities

I recently wrote about my brief stint as a vegetarian (link to food waste blog). During that time I organized dozens of youth events where food would be served. Every single one of those events featured meat. Why? Because people love meat, and they expect to have it when meals are served. Vegetarianism is important to me, and kids knew about it, but it wasn’t the hill I was going to die on. It wasn’t one of the theological rocks of my ministry.

4 Tools Ministry Priorities

Rocks, Pebbles, and Sand

Here is your talk for next Sunday, if you haven’t already used it:
Your life (or your ministry area, or marriage, or whatever) is an aquarium/vase/clear jar. There are a million types of things that can go in it, but they can’t all go in it.

Before program, grab some large rocks, some pebbles, and some sand, measured out so that when you put in the rocks, then the pebbles, then the sand, it all fits—barely. Show your young people each of the objects, and explain that some things carry weight and occupy real space—rocks. Other things are flexible and fleeting—pebbles and sand.

Begin to fill the aquarium with sand, then pebbles. Try to put the rocks in, and point out that when you start with the small stuff, you will not have room for the rocks. Take all the stuff out, and try again, starting with the rocks. Show your young people that when you start with the rocks, the other stuff can fit. You have to start with the rocks, and build around them, like what Jesus said (Matthew 7:24-27). And then you give the benediction and everyone goes home and sorts out their lives.

How is God going to use my gifts, and the gifts of my team, in my context? You’re not the youth minister down the street, and your church is not the church of the guy in the video. How do you do ministry, how do you live out your calling?

Knowing your theological rocks, your non-negotiables, is imperative to crafting a healthy and thriving ministry. When you build your ministry calendar, do you spend the most time doing the things that are most important? When you look at your budget, is it aimed towards your priorities?

Do you know what your priorities are? 

You need to. Here’s four steps you can use to find out:

1) Theology

Start here. What do you believe about God and the Scriptures? Consider the faith tradition you grew up in, talk to people who are smarter than you. Put in some hours, take a class, go to a Flagler Youth Ministry Seminar. You need to boil your theology down to your non-negotiable in two ways:

A: What are my core beliefs about God, humanity, sin, grace, Scripture, salvation, and church?

B: What are theological beliefs I ascribe to that are secondary (important to me, but not core to my ministry)?

Here’s one example of how it looks for me:

Core: God created a good world

Secondary: The power of the Holy Spirit makes living in perfect love possible

Implication: I won’t teach in a way that creates a good/evil dichotomy between “the world” and “us” even though I believe we are capable of living in a way that looks wildly different than people around us.

Pro Tip: Don’t major on the minors. You may REALLY care about a truly biblical issue—that doesn’t necessarily make it an imperative part of your ministry.

2) Ministry Style

What am I trying to accomplish in my youth ministry? What has God called me to? How is God going to use my gifts, and the gifts of my team, in my context? You’re not the youth minister down the street, and your church is not the church of the guy in the video.

How do you do ministry, how do you live out your calling? If we know what we believe (step one) and have a sense of how we do ministry (step two) we will be well on our way to a sound strategy.

How it looks for me:

Core Belief: Kids move towards Christ on a continuum (not an on-off switch)

Implication One: Don’t balk when “almost Christians” or “baby Christians” make bad decisions.

Implication Two: Programs should have varied opportunities where kids from different places in the continuum can relate.

Pro Tip: Don’t figure this out alone. You are on a team. You (probably) have a boss. You (God willing) have volunteers. You definitely have teens’ parents. Listen well to them and build a solid ministry structure—together.

3) Personal

You need a well developed sense of who you are in order to survive in ministry. Know your personality and your gifts. Be aware of your shortfalls and your own context: how and where you were raised, what you were taught. With this knowledge, discern what the non-negotiables are for your life in ministry. Need help discovering this? Ask a lifelong friend, talk to family members, see a counselor for a few sessions.

How it looks for me:

Core Belief: Good, clear boundaries make relationships healthy and sustainable

Implication One: I know when I am at work, and when I am not. If I am not at work, I won’t do work.

Implication Two: My family is usually happy with my life balance, church folks are sometimes frustrated or let-down by my (lack of) availability.

4) Reverse Engineer

In the last three steps, I have essentially asked you to search your soul and find the biggest chunks of the most important parts of your being. That’s a tall order.

If this is too much for you, try this: examine what you already do or don’t do. Search your personal and ministry calendars, as well as your personal and ministry budgets. Look back at the talks you’ve given over the last year. You’ll see what you care about and what you believe. (Unless “ease of use” is one of your ministry style rocks, in which case you’ll just discover which curriculums were hot last year.)

Anyway—discover where your time, energy, money, and passion go. Then look at those things with a critical eye, discern which ones snuck in and which are actually your core-values. Once you’ve discovered them, adjust your life, time, and money towards them.

How this looks for me:

I did middle school ministry for many years. Every year I would spend 1-3 weeks addressing healthy and holy sexuality from the stage. In those talk series I never once talked from the stage about same-sex attraction. If I were to reverse engineer that ministry decision I would discover that addressing matters of sexuality is important to me, but addressing same-sex attraction is not a non-negotiable—it’s not a rock for me—especially in the context of middle school ministry.

Maybe you disagree with this non-negotiable. That’s fine; I’m not trying to convince you one way or the other. I’m just trying to show you what it may look like to reflect on your ministry practices to discover your non-negotiables.

We have a comment section—what are your non-negotiables? I’d love to see some!


 About the Author: Tyler Fuller
The only job I have ever pursued is vocational ministry. I spent over a decade doingtyler fuller Young Life and church Youth Ministry. I am now the Missions Pastor at a mega church in the panhandle of Florida (who still gets to work with youth every day!)